Mother of Invention

Yup. Cause that's totally why most women don't go dancing whilst on their period. Because a full sized tampon won't fit in their pocket. Thank God for Tampax! (Also: Compak? Really?)

Dazzling

The internet makes you smarter? The comments on just about any given YouTube video say differently.

always funny...

I can't watch this enough times.

Um... Creepy!

Look at the doggy!!

Some back-to-school commercials that I liked:


Office Max


Famous Footwear


Staples

This Movie Is McCheesy

This is actually about a movie, but it's a movie I don't think I'd ever watch except when it's on TV (and really, nothing else is). And I'm talking about a star who is best known for a TV role, so I'm going to go ahead and say it counts.

I've never been much of a Grey's Anatomy fan, but you don't have to be to know that Patrick Dempsey managed to revive a career by portraying "Dr. McDreamy" on the show.

So as I'm watching Made of Honor, they manage to fit in a scene where McDreamy doesn't have a shirt on. It doesn't surprise me that it's in there- I mean, it's a chick flick that was basically designed for women to come gawk at McDreamy- and casual shirtless scenes are a hallmark of most chick flicks these days. (Either that, or Matthew McConaughey has some weird sensory disorder that makes it impossible for him to wear a shirt through an entire movie.)


So it doesn't surprise me that he's shirtless, but what does surprise me...

Picture credit: http://justjared.buzznet.com/2007/06/11/patrick-dempesy-shirtless/

This is McDreamy? This is the guy that countless women swoon over? He's not terrible or anything, just... average. I just would've guessed he'd have pecs that almost rival the size of my boobs, chest skin that looks a little too perfect and Ken-doll-plastic-y, and abs that look like I should take a (weird) crayon rubbing.

None of those are things I find attractive in the slightest, but it seems that a lot of women love that muscled look. And McDreamy was just rather normal, and it wasn't what I would've expected.

Maybe I'm not the only girl cares a lot more about a gorgeous head of hair than a chiseled chest!


Fun Fact That I Found Out While "Researching" This: Patrick Dempsey auditioned for the role of Dr. Chase in House, M.D. but lost the role to Jesse Spencer.
(See: http://www.people.com/people/patrick_dempsey)

Points of Annoyance

1) Oh, so I guess the Stupid Bumbling Assistant is considered comic gold once again, ey? How delightful. Incompetence and ignorance are always funny.

2) If someone calls me and doesn't leave a message, I almost never call them back. Why should I assume they want a call back? Furthermore, why should I be at the beck of anybody who has my number, when they can't even take the time to tell me what their call was regarding? The reason you leave a message to say "Call me back" is to let that person know you had something important enough to talk about that you would appreciate a return call. Common courtesy. If you knew ahead of time that they weren't going to answer their phone, then fine, text them. Otherwise it is perfectly acceptable to leave a message saying "please call me back".

3) Lance m'dear, these commercials make you look like a giant dick. Ok, bye.

Danger, Will Robinson

I've noticed that on every single Farmers Insurance commercial I've seen, the person giving the surely authentic testimonial says something like "Five days after I talked with my Farmers agent, we had a fire in our house and lost everything." or "Just two weeks after contacting our Farmers representative a devastating flood took every last thing we owned." or "It wasn't a week after I got with my Farmers agent that the hurricane hit."
Seems to me that it's mighty dangerous to talk with these Farmers people...

Amorrfied

I honestly can't decide if I'm amused or horrified by this. Perhaps both!

No. Just... No.

The Smell of Litigation in the Spring Time

You may call it eavesdropping, they may call it Hyundai "Uncensored", but the federal government calls it a felony violation.

Review: The Good Guys

I'm always a little sad when the summer starts and most of my favorite shows end for the season. I finally have more time to watch, and... less shows to watch.

But this year, I saw a preview with Colin Hanks. Related to Tom Hanks, who can hardly do wrong in my book? Check. Viable credits of his own, including Orange County? Check (House Bunny is cancelled out by Band of Brothers). Delightful slightly dorky awkwardness? Check.

And he's in a buddy cop show. Which just so happens to be produced by Matt Nix, creator of Burn Notice.

My expectations were high, and the pilot lived up to it. In a time when there are a million serious police dramas, The Good Guys is refreshingly fun. Colin Hanks plays the straight man, a young by-the-books cop who follows procedure and uses technology and resources to his advantage. His partner Dan, played by Bradley Whitford, is a wily old-school officer with outrageous stories and a penchant for "bustin' some punks" by whatever means necessary.

The partner are stuck working in small crimes, but somehow manage to get tangled into something much bigger- and, almost inevitably, screw up the investigation through Dan's unorthodox methods.

One of the hallmarks of the series is that they start with the ending, and then flash back to 48 hours earlier for us to see the story unfold. They like to jump back and forth in time to explain the story, but it's done well and I'm never left scratching my head.

There is, of course, a little romance too- but like on Burn Notice, it's a side plot and seems realistic. Also like Burn Notice, the action abounds, with explosions, gunshots, and car chases in just about every episode.

I should also mention that the choice of music- mostly punchy classic rock- is perfectly queued to the scenes, making it all the more enjoyable.

Really, what else can I say? When most of my shows are off for the summer, I'm thrilled to have found a new one that's so good. It's got perfect proportions of action and comedy. The characters are dynamic, the writing is fantastic, and it's just goofy enough to crack me up every time. I'm not the only one who agrees- you should be watching this show if you're not already!

(Available to watch free on Hulu, or airing Mondays, 9/8C, on FOX.)

Guest Post: The New Media Stockholm Syndrome

This is a guest post by Bradley Garwood, who never ceases to crack me up with his witty and bluntly honest reflections on the world. Thanks, Bradley!

I have a huge crush on Jennifer Garner.

Not so much fan page obsession, but I did find the strength to sit through Elektra - to which as a humanity, we can collectively agree deserved our Alan Smithee.

So I cracked open a new tab to IMDB, and searched for something with both a presence of Jennifer Garner, and that I wouldn't be embarrassed to say I actually watched. Certainly, -at least by chance- she's stumbled on to something with actual merit. With real feeling and good acting, and something no other show has brought me. Certainly, in some small capacity she's said yes to a project that's worth my time. What I found, was called Alias.

and it was not good.

I'm telling you there exists a television show with my biggest celebrity crush. With the woman whose touch could make me melt, wearing up to three or four different kinds of costumes every episode, and placing herself in every kind of sexually suggestive position you could imagine, just for the sake of my entertainment value. That my friends, deserves some kind of medal. 

jennifer garner
Originally uploaded by musticomtr

And what's so strange, is that this show is the pinnacle of awful. I mean, truly a horrible show, and that's no exaggeration. Any series that can use the keywords "is really your sister," "your mom's a double agent," and "she's really a clone" can be chalked up as dreadful. I'm not even going to bore you with examples of their post-9/11, fear-driven, American glorification. Nor the inclusion of the worst portrayal of a CIA hacker I could even imagine. Technical inaccuracies, soap-opera relationships, and historic sub-plots that would make even Dan Brown blush.

and trust me, I could go on.

So what's truly strange about the show, and the reason I'm writing this post, is that I've now since finished watched the series, in its entirety. Yes, five seasons at twenty-two episodes each, with a running time of forty-two minutes, that amasses at nearly seventy hours of viewing-time. That's a long time to dedicate to a show, even if you do really enjoy it. Even if the show is worth watching, seventy hours is a commitment. 

So with all of Alias under my belt, and a few months of cooling off time, I'm reaching a strange phenomenon not seen since the Buffy crowd re-popularized what the folks who watched Xena stole from Charlie's Angels.

I miss Alias. I miss Sydney Bristow. I miss that campy chick-that-kicks-ass.

I know, I know, I just spent all that time explaining how awful of a show it was, and I'm still vehemently urging you not to even consider starting the series. But what's so strange, is that after so much time given to such a horrific show, is that deep down I'm starting to miss it. I'm starting to miss having new stacks of discs to work through, and I've gone over in my head just what quality has led me to this strange new place. 

I watched the show after the series had finished its run on TV, so the element of "weekly cliffhangers" wasn't really a draw. And the atrocity that is that show's writing negated my lust for Garner, the sole appeal. So what am I left with? What's making me still want to watch the show? What strange feeling is in the back of my head, secretly urging me to download and rewatch some random episodes?

Am I alone in this?

Really though, I'm not one to waste time on horrible shows. If I suspect a series to be putting on a swim-suit, I don't stick around to see if it jumps the shark. So I'm curious to know if this is a common reaction to horrible shows amongst viewers. I mean, am I just that in love with Jennifer Garner, or am I a victim of some soft of new media Stockholm Syndrome? Does everyone have a little show that's their guilty pleasure? I want some answers. I want some data. I want proof that I'm not the only one.

I want research goddammit

Wily Fish

Futurama is back (Thursdays, 10pm, Comedy Central) and even though I have not sat down and marathoned all 88 episodes of the five previous seasons, I have seen a good number of them on The TV and I am pleased with the new episodes thus far. Made me laugh, and really, what more can I ask for? Well, since you were kind enough to inquire, a new Volvo would be nice.

Double Feature

Part 1:
This is an old schtick, but they pulled it off well, and Orbit has a history of commercials that I have found amusing.



Part 2:
I am fascinated by those bottles hanging from the trees. *Fascinated*.

More Coverage

So AT&T tried doing something like this with the same slogan I think about a year ago, but just with zoomy lights and I felt that they rather failed. This one though, this one I can get behind. First of all: Gene Wilder == awesome. Secondly: I love that tall guy with the round body that hits the cloud, and the monster that is running away from the bus, and that guy that looks like toast. They are adorable, and I am supportive.

Just wondering.

Maybe I'm alone here.

Does anyone else, when you see Brendan Fraser, automatically think "George of the Jungle"?

Anyone?

I'm thinking this may have to be a series...

How To Get Me To Stop The DVR and Watch Your Commercial, Rule 1:

Feature an adorable dog prominently throughout the entire ad.

b-just- a-d bad

I have to say I'm a little proud of KFC. They've struggled lately, trying to add things like grilled chicken to make their delicious home cookin' style seem a little more healthy. Finally, they realized that Extra Crispy is popular for a reason. People want to feel healthy, but they want to taste fatty deliciousness.

And so, the Double Down flourished. Even though I think half the sales were due to Bradley.

Anyway, now that they're no longer such a dying company, they've decided on a new slogan.

This ad isn't bad, really- who doesn't hate that corporate personification of The Man who yells into his cell phone annoyingly on any kind of public transportation? Who wouldn't like to drown him out with some crunchy fatty deliciousness?



But your new slogan? Ugh. Here I thought you were on the upswing... so g-double-o-d good is not the way to go. At least for me. Here are three better ideas:

Start calling KFC "American Food." Then it's not unhealthy; it's patriotic! (Then again, our country is kind of fat.) Memorial Day? Fourth of July? Flag Day? Presidents' Day? Time for some real American food, named after one of the actual United States.

Begin a series of commercials in which sweet old grandparents tell their grandkids to do things like the old days. Get some marketing guys on this to make them charming yet funny. At the end, Granny reminds the kids to "eat some Real Food" and hands 'em a bucket of chicken & biscuits & mashed potatoes. No one can turn down food from their sweet old Gram.

Get the Colonel Doctor to do shameless product placement on Scrubs. This one may be too late now that Scrubs has gotten kind of laaaame, but it still would have been awesome, since there were multiple seasons of calling this guy "Colonel Doctor."

Okay, so they're not good suggestions, but I'm still cringing a little when I hear g-double-o-d-good. If you think you can do better, do share.

Foresight is Handy

That's right, you just go ahead and dance around right up close to one another, wildly swinging sharpened sticks at eye level with what amounts to hot globules of edible napalm on the ends. I'm sure that can't go at all wrong.

Paronomasia

If you've ever watched Bravo's 'Shear Genius' then you will know that the sign-off the hostess uses for every episode is the oh-so-brilliant "And remember, hair is important."
What? What!? What? Who authorized this? Did they...think? At all?
*Sigh*

Educationary

You know what's great? Discovery Channel. I love me some DC. I learn all kinds of things from Discovery. How to bust myths. How to do dirty jobs. How to completely disappoint viewers who were expecting some kind of awesome Captain Nemoesque steampunk submarine out of a show but instead got some young guy doing hokey stunts.
But anyway, I genuinely do love Discovery, and have over recent months been spending more and more time on History Channel as well. Ax Men is pretty great. Perhaps it's just because I love the mountains. And I love the clear blue skies. What can I say? I love when great whites fly.

"A blackhole is like a roach motel. Everything checks in, but nothing checks out." ~ Dr. Michio Kaku, How the Universe Works

Note to Readers: Given the option to reference Arrested Development, I will do it every time.

Oh my goodness. This afternoon, I have seen two ads for a law firm.

Normally, lawyers' ads have a stern guy in a suit, sitting in front of some nice (or possibly fake) bookshelves, and maybe slamming a few large books shut. Normally, law firms are called something like Pretentious Sounding Last Name & Other or Possibly Same Pretentious Sounding Name, Attorneys at Law.

This law firm, though, is a little different (and well-worth the link watch).

Watch TV Spot #4, the first one I saw, or TV Spot #1, which I saw later, to see why. Cracked. Me. Up.

Vespanomics

I feel like I've seen Vespas in about a dozen different commercials recently. Are they now the symbol of trendy young weekend globe-trotters, just out looking for fun and romance in sweet little Italian villages? It seems so. Is this a good thing? Maybe for some. For me (listen up marketing teams) that kind of trend can get annoying fast. Like the fakey, yuppie, hippie wanna-be (emphasis on "wanna-be") kids in the Garnier Fructis commercials. Still not as annoying as the University Bookstore commercials though, which incedently have gotten me to the point where I actually mute the television when I see one coming on. They're that annoying. Well done, University Bookstore, well done.

On another note, a couple weeks ago I caught a marathon showing of LA Ink. Gotta say, it was pretty fascinating. I don't really go for the tatted out guys/girls myself, but the process is interesting, as are the people.

Surprise!

I just saw Nigel Barker (of America's Next Top Model) on the Project Runway finale.

Obviously these are both fashion shows, and it makes sense that "Nigel Barker, noted fashion photographer"  would attend Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, but it still caught me off-guard because I was watching Top Model earlier tonight.* Little jarring to see someone where you don't expect to see him!

Anyway- does anyone else get weirded out when you see people from one show you watch on another show you watch?

Probably my best recent example of weirding-out-over-a-person-from-one-show-being-on-another is Neil Flynn on The Middle. I've heard good things about the show, but after watching one so-so episode, I can't bring myself to give it another chance. The main reason? I just can't get past Flynn in a new role. Sorry, buddy, but you're always going to be The Janitor to me. The Janitor is a brilliantly hilarious, odd character- and I just can't take you seriously as a regular old nice guy dad who has regular old salt and pepper shakers. And that's probably because I don't want to see you any other way.



*(Yeah, yeah, I'm watching girly TV right now... but it's a night without the fiance! Perfect time to catch up on 'me' shows! Don't worry- my tastes aren't always so stereotypical. Just wait until football season!)

Field Assist

You know who could, and maybe should, share Home Depot's "You can do it; we can help!" slogan? Viagra. Seriously though, when are *you* going to have the Viagra talk with *your* doctor? Me, I'm going to bring it up at my next prostate exam.

I'm a Fan, Starburst

Of the candy and the ad.

Sock Monkeys Rock

I love this commercial. Shortened versions of it have been regularly aired since the Super Bowl and it still makes me smile every time I see one. Well played, Kia, well played.

The Innocents

Note to small business owners:
I don't want to see your kids on your badly shot commercials. I don't think they're cute; I don't find their haltingly delivered line(s) adorable. I don't deem their embarrassed stiffness to be charming or your pathetic attempts at humor enchanting. I don't believe that you are more trustworthy and hometownish because you have the power to procreate.
Also: Balance the freaking white, for crying out loud, or doesn't your clearance bought, "authentic" Koduck video camera have that capability?